hey, sistas, ya lookin' good...

hey, sistas, it's been a while since i've seen u.  and i must say, if no one else has (including yourself), u're looking good, girl!  i'm never afraid to give a compliment to my sistas who are looking great, have something uplifting to say, holding it down or doing their thing - as long as it's positive.  my positive sistas reflect on me and i surely appreciate that!  in a world where we're surrounded by so much BS and garbage telling us what are value is or pitting us against each other like pitbulls in a dog fight, if i can find a way to make your day, then it makes mine too, and Lord knows i could use the boost as well sometime. lol

a little positivity goes a long way...

Snow Falls On Darkness...The Prologue

It’s funny how when you look at snow falling all around you it appears that every snowflake is the same – a small clump like a miniature snowball.  Lying on her back she watched it drift down toward the earth, resting lightly on her eyelashes before melting, and she could see the subtle differences in each flake for a fraction of a second and then it was gone.  If only she could freeze each moment so that she could really study the intricate details of each flake like she could when making the cutout paper versions that she used to make in school.  She’d give anything to have the wonder and innocence she had in grade school again.  Actually, she would give anything to be anywhere else but here right now – lying on her back watching the cold Kansas snow fall like cotton as her blood stained the monochromatic winter canvas. 

What was she thinking getting wrapped up in someone else’s drama when she definitely knew better?  She should’ve kept her distance.  She didn’t even know this woman ten years ago in college.  What made her think she could save her?  They were as different as the snowflakes sitting on the tip of her nose.  So, why did she make this stranger’s battle her own? 

The wind swirled the snow over her face until everything became a blur of white in a black sky.  She wondered if this is how it felt to die.  She could feel her body getting lighter, which was odd considering how the snow was mounting on top of her.  She wondered if anyone would rescue her like she had attempted to do for the other woman.

...a choice made in loneliness...

when you're, in need of companionship, and you choose to be with someone are you making the choice based on loneliness?  are you thinking about the consequences of that choice or only thinking about pacifying the loneliness?  when your eyes are wide open do you know who you're with?  do you ever let the person truly know you?  do you care?

loneliness is a powerful motivator when it comes to our need to connect with someone, but it sometimes causes us to make a decision with our eyes shut, choosing not to see who we pick or why, which eventually can cause pain for ourselves and others.

What would you like understand about why a friend would sleep with your man or ex-man?

this morning, while getting ready for work, my husband was watching an episode of a sitcom called One On One.  i have never watched the show myself, but became intrigued with a heated discussion (no - argument is a better word) between to female characters.  the two ladies were roommates and on this particular evening one roommate was home when she wasn't expected to be when the other roommate arrived home with a guest - the guy her roommate had just stopped dating.  she was not expecting to have to explain why she was creeping in with him, but before he could walk through the door behind her she quickly blurted out that she was sleeping with him.  in walks the pink elephant of sisterhood.

in a span of a few minutes, both women resorted to name-calling and blaming the other for their wrong-doings when it came to men.  the one who was sleeping with the ex announced to him that her roommate had actually been seeing her previous ex behind his back, as if that got her off the hook.  finally, she broke down and admitted that she envied her girlfriend's life, was lonely and didn't like spending her nights by herself while her friend had not only a new guy in her life but an ex that still cared deeply for her and wanted to work things out. 

suddenly the man in the room became irrelevant.  it was now all about loneliness, envy and genuine friendship.  now, the entire argument escalated from slinging the "B" word around and calling each other skanks to forgiveness & understanding in 2.5 minutes flat.  probably not a very realistic time frame to comprehend why someone you call a friend, that you share your innermost thoughts & secrets with, would sleep with someone you dated, present or past.  how could you comprehend your friend's choice of companions knowing that she knows it would be hurtful to you?  would you ever trust her again?  would the friendship be over?

i don't believe that one girlfriend's act of forgiveness could cure those feelings of loneliness or envy so easily. it would take a lot of soul searching and i still don't believe you could ever really justify your actions.  ask yourself, how can one woman's personal inner turmoil explain hurting someone you care about, breaking the code of true sisterhood?  if you caught your girlfriend's man cheating on her wouldn't you want to protect from harm?  how would you do that if the one doing the harm is you?

does anyone else besides me need help understanding breaking this unwritten code of "sister" honor?

Opting for Convenience over Disrepect?

when did this notion to opt for disrespect over convenience begin?  in 2008 when the gasoline prices hit an all-time high companies began charging their customers "fuel surcharges" as if they were the only ones who were required to pay these absorbent prices!  did you or anyone you know get to expense this to your employers because you were still required to go to work?  i know i didn't and would've been laughed out the door had i tried.  utility companies, trucking companies, grocery store chains, airlines - they all stuck it to us like WE caused the gas price increases.  wouldn't this just be a "cost of doing business" like we all learned about in marketing classes?

it seems to me that we are all becoming to complacent with poor service, inferior quality and nonchalant attitudes.  there should be a public outcry, consumer protests!  we're not going to take it lightly!  but, alas, we are too busy to even fight for ourselves.  it is more convenient to just withstand the disrespect of  being corralled into airline seats that are entirely too small for a non-overweight full sized adult.  we groan and complain about the price of the tickets and are outraged by paying airfare for our luggage including our carry-on bags.  we are trafficked through the skies on ancient airplanes held together by no more than duct tape and chewing gum, on flights whose on-time records are minuscule at best, unfed and told we must pay for the most minor of in-flight luxuries like peanuts, water & headsets to listen to the movies.  yet we obey and continue to give them our hard earned money and hope they'll get better.  they don't.

but, oh, doesn't this instinct to accept the worst while closing our eyes and hoping for the best stem from our personal lives?  the spouses and significant others who treat us poorly, take advantage of our kindness, lie, cheat and con us into getting what they need from us - isn't it more of the same if we never demand more for ourselves?  in the infamous words of a well known talk show psychologist, "we teach others how to treat us."  if you're sitting around wasting time with someone who doesn't treat you with the dignity & respect you deserve, waiting for your Prince or Princess Charming to come, and they pulled up to the gate in a fully stocked 747 with plenty of leg & shoulder room, you'd miss the flight if you're to inconvenienced to tell the wrong one to take off, get up and walk down the tarmac alone.

Love is Truth. Will it find you?

the simple truth about women is we are intrinsically the same on the inside. we all want to feel we are beautiful, valued, respected and loved. sometimes along the path to obtaining these internal truths we find that we are giving other women - our sisters - the exact opposite of what we want for ourselves. these are the times when we are not loving ourselves and life seems to throw us a barrage of bad relationships, fake friends and other opportunists who take from us without giving anything in return. we become empty. why?

the short holistic answer to that is the energy you put into the world is the energy you receive in return. the Southern Grandma answer is "what goes in the wash, comes out in the rinse, darlin'!"

it comes to reason that if you're baggin' on one of your sistas about how she's dressed, her last season shoes & or her physical appearance without offering advice on how to accentuate her positive attributes, then you're not feeling beautiful either. as Southern Grandma would say, "God don't like ugly." she wasn't talking about a person's face either.

if you're knocking a sista because you feel you could do what she's doing better than she's doing it, then you're really feeling undervalued yourself.

if you're flirting or creeping with someone else's significant other, because you think you can, and disrespecting a sista, then it's really because you have no self respect. even if you feel since you've been wronged in this way by another it's your way to right your wrong, the truth is no self respecting sista would accept being put in the "less than good enough to be the one & only" category.

so how is true, real love supposed to find you if you're surrounded by all this mess? you are buffered by untruths, contrary to your intrinsic nature. love is truth, but it won't find you if you're living here.

Race (let's talk about it)

No one wants to ask the questions, or even talk about it.  I believe the primary issue with race relations is fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear the stereotypes are true or untrue fostering the fear of appearing foolish for believing in them.  An unsubstantiated belief that the visual differences between races are the actual proof one needs to believe in those differences and the fears that the unknowns represent.  However, if we were all unable to see each other what then would we use as the factors to rationalize perceived differences?

How do I sound to you?  Black?  White?  Both?  Neither?  Do all people of a certain race sound the same?  Or is it a person's environment, upbringing, social status, level of education, all known as a person's "circumstances" that create a mental picture in you of who you think that person is inside?  Could you define these characteristics of a person through hearing their voice in an "audio lineup"?